covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
