Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
