how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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