so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
