as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
