he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
