As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
