Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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