If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize