Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
