What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize