My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
