i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
