She is in my trunk
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
