i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
