what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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