If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
