she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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