I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
