The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
