That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
