Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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