Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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