So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
