My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
