it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize