So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
