It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
