You can't special order awesome
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
