i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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