1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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