I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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