Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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