I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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