You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
