You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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