I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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