my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
