I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
