After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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