I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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