My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
