So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
