can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
