They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
