Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
