she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
