come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize