Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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