ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
