I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
