He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
