life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
