im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
