I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
