Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
