you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
