Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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