I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
