I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
