did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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