UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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