theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
