My brain says no but my pants say off.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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