i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
