Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
